How to break a glass house

I am devoid of meaning, not just because I feel tired, exhausted or burnt out but because I know that I have gone through worse than this. It’s like going through something that neither fulfillment nor joyful moments can satiate. You just know there’s nothing else left to yearn for - Or that there’s not enough courage to go for after whatever it is that you feel you need to experience to get through it.

It is insatiable and I’m wondering if I’m just a cynic or if it’s the weather that’s giving me this, but one thing is certain. I do feel this way because I am starting to detest what I have worked for.

Well not exactly detest as if it’s a really bad thing.  Have you ever imagined yourself living in a glass house on top of a hill but you can’t get out? Or that you just won’t get out whether it’s a will issue or an ability issue; it doesn’t matter. You are looking beyond the hill wondering what could be there amongst the tall trees and wild animals, and berries and what the fresh water springs offer?

Thinking there could be more beyond these glass walls and doors and that you and only you either lack the willingness to break the barrier or have to question yourself of your ability to do so.

Like the glass house itself you are devoid of universal significance, that even if you or the house doesn’t exist it won’t matter.  You don’t play an essential role to anyone’s life not even to your own life, you think and think every day, you dream and aspire, yet you are not too brave to break your heart, explore and be hurt and be disillusioned for real. Not the disenchantment that the glass house gives you but the painful reality of the world you were actually made for.

No, you don’t understand that because you are busy thinking, dreaming and yet your spirit is almost easily broken by the discomfort and comfort of your glass house bubble. You still wonder where all those energy and vibrant disposition is coming from and you realize it’s only your youth and then you panic! Because you know it will end faster than anything else that you can go through and the hardest part of that is the fact that it is inevitable.

I walked through the halls of these glass walls and realize that they aren’t too strong so I get up every day and figure out how to make it my enemy when I know that every attempt I do is as futile as my helplessness and need to be inside the glass house as I surrender. I again feel that void which becomes a vicious painstaking cycle of reconciliation, madness, offering of peace and invitations of confusion.

It will not die you tell yourself, but you know you will expire and that vibrant disposition and energy will eventually fade as they always do and you are trapped in the forsaken glass house that you cry alone every night, looking out of its windows, peaking through the ceilings, staring through its walls.

You are the infinite doom of your own cycle and unless you walk to the door and turn the knob around, open it and embrace everything as you step out of the front yard, keeping everything in you that the glass house taught you, you know that IT can also end.

Whether it is grateful, forgiving or condoning that wouldn’t matter. Because, it has taught you how to be, you can only be grateful for you know you can end that phase. You are capable of it and when you meet another glass house you will not be scared but you now become involved, partly broken on how it should make you or shatter you.